I don’t even know who I am anymore. I thought I had it all together and then tonight, I realized that maybe I don’t. And it’s stressin me out. And all I can think is, “shitshitshitshit” and I don’t want to live life thinking like that, and I just don’t know what to do because he makes me so happy but goshdamn I miss Maxwell so much and I hate myself everytime I miss him and it’s not healthy and I don’t know. I don’t want to start cutting again, but I done know how to handle this and I’m afraid I’ll break down again.
I’m pretty sure I like him.
Ya see, he stayed over until almost 5am. Talking. It was amazing. We started watching Perks and then we talked about this cool hippy documentary on LSD that he showed me, and then we talked about our past relationship(s) and ex’s. And also about his old lifestyle. And it wasn’t weird. It felt right.
But he got his phone taken away by his dad for being home late… (We spent 21 hours together oh my gosh.)
So then he came over today, and we watched some Chuck. And I think I might like him partially because he dances around the kitchen with me and sings all crazy like. And isn’t afraid of my family.
But it was weird to meet his parental sets. I felt that his dad and step-mom weren’t feeling the keenest about me. That was a really awkward little bit. But whatever. Then we went to his moms house, and his sister and her boyfriend were there. And they were normal! Well, normal like HIM…so not normal at all ;)
But I really liked them. And I think they might like me. He told me about this drug that comes from cactus stuff and we decorated his Christmas tree and frosted cookies somewhat well and started watching the second Back To The Future. (Which was quite good.)
And he held my hand for the first time. And we got a wee bit cuddly. But not in like an “ayyyyeeee” way, like a casual way. ‘Twas cute!
And then he walked me out to my car. And then he kissed me. (That was the second time he kissed me too)
And he’s not tooooo forward about anything, but he hints enough that I’m aware ahaha.
And he said its cute when I cuss ahahah. Which made me laugh really hard
I guess you could just say that I like him because he treats me right and makes me smile. And that’s all I need! :)